Feeling users complain kink dating app is overrun by ‘vanilla’ men: ‘Casual sex is now weird’

Playing “feeling” is losing its allure.

Feeld, the “dating app for open-minded individuals”, has been praised by its users as a safe space for sexual openness, honesty and communication.

“Feeld showed me that there are men out there who can exist in a way that is completely rooted in equality and respect,” Emily, 28, who asked not to be identified for privacy reasons, told Mashable.

But some queer people are now complaining that the app has become too mainstream as it’s being infiltrated by “vanilla” straight men looking for casual, basic sex — and putting more women at risk.

The app – which gives users 20 sexualities and 19 genders to choose from – was originally launched in Britain in 2014 as 3nder by Dimo ​​Trifonov and his partner, Ana Kirova as an app to allow people to express themselves sexually with everything from BDSM to group sex.

Since then, it has slowly grown in popularity over the last decade with a huge increase in downloads coming in the last few years.

In the past three years, Feeld’s monthly active users grew 190% and paid memberships grew 550%, Fast Company reported.

While some users may appreciate having more options, many card-carrying kinks have complained that the influx of new users has diluted the dating pool.

Sabrina, 27, who asked to use a pseudonym, told Dazed Digital that she is worried about the trend.

“It’s not about gatekeeping or shaming people for being vanilla,” she said. “It can be a safety issue if people don’t understand the importance of safe words and follow-up care. In most cases, men disrespect women and do not equate hooking up with casual sex or engage in risky actions such as strangulation and influence play without understanding how to do it safely.

Sabrina joined the app a few years ago to find a queer romantic partner, but believes it’s become “harder to find kinky singles who are open to a long-term relationship.”

“Someone at Feeld recently asked me to send a list of my vices. When I did, they freaked out and said I was definitely a lot weirder than them – and honestly, I didn’t send anything extreme, it was all pretty stuff. standard in my opinion,” she said.

Ellie, 26, whose name has been changed, also expressed her concern about the lack of sexually adventurous and educated men on the app.

“For some reason, casual sex is now considered weird [by some men on Feeld] because they’re finding it through this app, but it really isn’t,” she told Dazed.

Ellie believes that many straight men are using terms like “naturally dominant” and “ethically non-monogamous” (ENM) to get away from abuse and infidelity.

“I feel like the language of sex positivity has just been co-opted by men who haven’t changed their sexual behaviors but now feel good about themselves calling themselves ‘sex-positive,'” she lamented.

Gen Z has been credited for leading the sex-positivity movement and advertising more dating apps, but first-timers should proceed with caution and do their research before entering the playing field.

Emilie Lavinia, a long-time user of the app, told Cosmopolitan UK that it’s a struggle these days to find people who are serious about kink. Many matches “know nothing about the nuances of singleness, how to be ethically non-monogamous, or how to navigate consent. And this is a problem.”

More women are coming forward with stories of being disrespected and harassed while using the app.

For Mashable, writer Sarah Freedman recalled an experience when a man on Feeld “upset [her] with questions about non-monogamy” called her boyfriend a “guy” and eventually considered him a “pretentious ct” who did not commit to her.

Unfortunately, online harassment isn’t just escalating on Feeld and dating apps. Surveys have continued to reveal that the issue continues to worsen – especially for women and girls.

With competing dating apps largely ignoring the wide spectrum of non-“vanilla” dating and sexual preferences among singles, Feeld remains a crucial resource for kinksters.

Emily only joined the app last year and told Mashable that she found it “so refreshing for her [talk] with people in a way that was sexual but not transactional…it was based on understanding, respect and communication.”

Feeld CEO Kirova, who took over from former partner Trifonov in 2021, told Cosmopolitan UK that “in terms of scale, there’s so much potential for Feeld, but we need to make sure people get involved for the right reasons and they behave in a certain way.”

“We’re not trying to grow at all costs.”